It is 21st December 2023 at the time of writing. Precisely one year ago today, I became the proud owner of a very special narrowboat – Poohsticks. Since then, I have moored in 52 spots, travelled 96 miles and gone up or down in 112 locks (but who’s counting?). To mark such a delightful occasion, I have decided to list this first year’s top 10 cruising highlights.

 

10th place – Learning locks

My first voyage as skipper. On my first three cruises, Tony was kindly with me guiding the way. However, he was unavailable for my fourth trip and I sought help from my brother Joe. This left me as the most qualified member of crew and hence in charge. This scared me shitless. Despite the daunting nature of a five mile journey featuring one electric and three mechanical locks (having only done one electric lock so far), we did a cracking job, if I may say so myself. What makes this all the more impressive is that Joe had to manoeuvre the boat out from between the towpath and another narrowboat with no driving experience, with me on the towpath pulling ropes. Furthermore, the man who helped us with the first mechanical lock was simultaneously rolling up a joint.

 

9th place – Reversing

My sixth voyage, and notably my slowest, was back in February, shortly after I accidentally let my water tank run empty. We call this a teething issue (I didn’t shower for three days). I could either travel forwards through three locks and cover two miles to reach the water point in Stratford or, given the limiting width of the canal, reverse half a mile to Mile End. I chose the latter. It was windy. There were boats moored everywhere and something one needs to appreciate about narrowboats is that they cannot be steered when in reverse. It took an hour and a half. I thank David for manning the bow during this perilous journey. I also thank Saskia for doing exactly the same a week and a half later when I made the exact same journey (I was just really desperate to go back to sunny Mile End).

8th place – Engine overheating

Reversing does a number on your engine temp and my engine temp was not a happy quantity back in the Spring. In May, Joe, Carla and I had to pullover on a cruise as my engine overheated. There were no mooring rings on the concrete (which is fair dos because we were in a bit of a shit’ole so who’d wanna moor there?) so Carla had to hold the boat for a whole hour as Joe and I investigated (translation: we called Tony and then poured water in a thing). To keep spirits up, Joe made gin and tonics. He served them out of the side hatch and the hipster barman vibe was rather crushed by the sight of a Johnny floating in the canal just beneath him.

 

7th place – Scaly Hitchhiker

You find all sorts in the canal (not just condoms). The first inspection of my weed hatch made clear this point. Tony and Vincent stared over me in March as I pulled out plastic bags, a pair of tights, rope and I think prayer beads? But the particular highlight of the year I am referencing here is when Tony was waiting at a lock and heard a strange flapping sound. He inspected the tire fender that I had lifted out and rested upon the roof as we did the narrow locks. As it would happen, a fish had hitched a lift in the fender. Tony kindly set them free.

 

6th place – The Swan of Death

Some canal life forms are not as lucky as the fish. Some have the misfortune of being swans, which is a shame, because swans are terrible. On a charming day in September, I received a welcome bit of help from Caitlin and Oli as we embarked upon my first set of single locks (including a staircase lock which was fun to figure out). Before they arrived, as I was preparing our lunch, I saw a blood-soaked swan outside my window. Whilst we were eating aforementioned lunch, we saw aforementioned swan (at least I hope it was the same swan) being chased by a man and bagged up (presumably to be taken to care as opposed to eaten).

 

5th place – Stuck under a bridge

Who can forget my dear brother Tom’s first lock? What he won’t be forgetting in a hurry is the 20 minutes between emptying said lock and entering it, during which I got the boat stuck under a low bridge as we waited for the water levels to settle. A combination of torrential rain and emptying 50 tonnes of water directly into the the vicinity were likely both contributing factors. Nevertheless, things sped up later and we did eight additional locks that day!

 

4th place – Leaky locks

If waiting to fit under bridges isn’t enough to keep you occupied on a Saturday, try waiting for a leaky lock to fill. In October, my friends James and Josie and I spent half an hour waiting for a lock to fill due to reeds clogging the paddles. The water leaking out of the lower gate matched the trickle intentionally flowing in and we hit an unhappy equilibrium long before the lock was full. As such, it took all three of us to hoist the gate open. To really prove I was on form, later that evening, I stepped backwards into a hole in the towpath whilst mooring up. My foot got drenched. It was sad. Josie also had a wet shoe that day and I could see James deciding whether or not he should join in in solidarity. He did not.

 

3rd place – A tribute to everything that has fallen into the canal

A pot of petunias, ivy, steel counterweights, a mooring pin (retrieved), Tony’s drill (retrieved but then died), a lantern and three tomato plants – just some of the things that have either been knocked by a tree or by a lock gate and plunged into the canal in the past year. A highlight of this year is when Joe, Tom and Harvey the pug visited and we went for a jolly out along the Wendover Arm. During this voyage, perhaps my largest and potentially most bountiful tomato crop was ricocheted off a tree branch and fell into the water.  Tom was keen to retrieve it. I, for one, will not eat a fruit that has been submerged in canal water.

2nd place – Kingfisher sightings

On a sunny day in August, I had the pleasure of Auntie Fiona and Uncle Mark’s company for a cruise. We did seven locks – at the time, this was a record. We ate several hearty meals and had an all round lovely time and catch up, toasting dear Gran on what would have been her Birthday. What made the day all the more exciting was a total of four separate kingfisher sightings – a record that has not yet been broken! Not like the lock record. Next time they visit, I’ll make them do 10.

 

1st place – The London voyage

In first place, who can forget the epic voyage through Camden? We started the day at 9am and travelled six miles over eight hours, passing through the 878m tunnel under Islington, sailing through Kings Cross, bashing through Camden locks in front of a legion of spectators and cruising on the wrong side of the canal along Regents Park, before mooring up in Little Venice for a spot of ice cream and lashings of cocktails prepared by Zac. It was a delight. The crew of nine were generally speaking of great value and the banter was on point. One day, I will return to London and the voyage will be over in an hour because of how good Zac and David are at locks now.

 

Well weren’t these delightful to recall and haven’t I learned lots? It is bonkers to think that one year ago, I had zero driving experience with narrowboats (one can actually remove the last two words of that sentence and maintain factual accuracy). Today, I confidently cruised the boat without crew through 40mph winds to head into the marina for Christmas. This is definitely a big deal given how dreadful I was at controlling a river cruiser back on a family holiday in February 2022. I am now moored up for Christmas and have spent the evening packing my bag for a trip to see the family. I have the peace of mind that if Poohsticks blows away over the next week, it is someone else’s responsibility. Not mine. God bless.